Sometimes, no actually a lot of times I feel like I am making a choice to stay blind even though I am standing in the bright light called Jesus. I shut my eyes and live “my way or the way the experiences in past have taught me.” I deliberately choose my way over Jesus. Result? I am wearied and disillusioned.

No, do not get me wrong, I am not going to start preaching on “obedience and serving God is everything.” Actually I am against serving God. Surprised? Yes, I am not in for “serving God” if it makes me feel worthy in HIS eyes. If that service is not from an outflow of the revelation of HIS greatest love for me, then I am against it. I would rather seek GOD all my life and fail, rather than serve HIM all my life and live under an illusion that my service is what keeps HIS heart open for me and bless me.

Jesus, my friend fortunately is not like you and me, and thankfully He is exactly what HE says HE is. Why then do I say that I choose to stay blind? Because I replace what HE says about HIMSELF with what I feel is believable and what I deserve. Yes, I do let the enemy into my head when I believe that I hold real value in God’s eyes because I do things for HIM. If I were JESUS, I would say – “How offensive!!!!”

I know I sound rude and I am sorry that you had to hear it this way. It might crash your world because it did mine. It sure did!! My intention here is to give you clarity on the triangle of Jesus, relationship and service.

Here it is :

1. DO YOU BOTH KNOW EACH OTHER? (Matthew 7:22-23 and Jeremiah 9:23-24)
Jesus said this for me to hear and understand that it is not my ministerial work that will become my reason to dwell with HIM when my time comes, but it will be because HE “knew” me and not because of what I supposedly did for HIM. What I claim as intimacy with Christ is just what He repudiates, and with a certain scornful dignity (casted out demons, prophecy…tell you plainly). The word “knew” in this verse comes from the Hebrew word “yada”, the original meaning of which is the sexual intimacy in a marriage. In marriage, you are called to see through each other in your nakedness, exactly the way you are – You open your real self to your spouse and become vulnerable. Did you trust Jesus enough to let you see in your nakedness? Are you letting HIM see who you really are? Love you in your nothingness? Did you even accept the poverty of your soul at HIS feet? Did you know HIM as enough to take care of you in every season of your life just as a husband does to his wife? Or were you too busy casting out demons or always trying to be perfect holding onto it as a trophy that makes HIM love you. Put this trophy down, take off your garment of works and let JESUS see the burdens of your heart, the cares of your of mind, and everything you are.

2. WHAT AM I DOING FOR GOD? (John 6:29)
Heard that a lot, so many times from myself. So, you want to labor for GOD? Good! Jesus has answered – “Believe in the one GOD has sent.”

I have done the mistake of thinking that believing here means – “Jesus is the son of God and He has paid the price of my sin.” Nope, it does not. Listen to this – ‘believe’ comes from the German word ‘Belieben’ which means to – ‘hold dear, value highly.’ Your work for God is assessed on the basis of how much you hold HIM dear and value HIM, and let it direct your actions and not the other way round!!

“It is you remaining in HIM that will make you fruitful and not your fruits that will engraft you in HIM”.

After all, what did you even do for Jesus to accept you? Your relationship started with HIM because you believed (valued highly) in HIS love for you.

3. FAITH WITHOUT GOOD WORKS? (Romans 1:17)
Ah, the enemy has used this against me for so long. Faith without good works is dead. I used to keep trying to do work for God and feel better for a few days. It felt like always walking under the supervision of a tough boss. It started taking me away from Jesus. Until one day, when I realised I do not feel loved anymore. What is the difference between Jesus and this world if I feel that I have to constantly work to be in a place of favour?

I digged into the Word and found Romans 1:17. I was called to live (be alive) by faith and not by works. What is the original meaning of faith? The root word is ‘pistuo’, original meaning is ‘fidelity, I rest my heart upon, I am loyal to’. So what was my loyalty to Jesus calling me to do when I started feeling like I am loved and accepted because of my works? It called me to drop everything else, and fight and push out these lies from my life to replace them with the truth of GOD. Yes, in that season that was my service to Jesus. Pick up the sword and cut off all lies and submit my polluted mind to Jesus and let HIM renew it.

4. SO WORK IS NOT IMPORTANT? (Luke 17:7-10)
Ummm, I think it is. It keeps you motivated and keeps you going. But I have to keep checking my heart and keep praying that I look at my works unto Lord the way HE looks at it. In the word HE asks you –  “Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’” Now, this servant if he knew how much HIS master loves HIM unconditionally – had his heart yearned for this small appreciation. In fact, he would have kept doing and doing and doing awed by how loved he is. I keep telling myself –  Sneha, do not make Jesus small in your eyes. He loves “you” and is not dependant on what you do for HIM. Check your understanding of HIM. Faith is always to be put in someone or something, it is always relational and it gives you an identity – out of which flows out your vision and hence your responses to life. So, faith navigates your service and not the other way round. Are you faithful to Jesus? Wow, go ahead and change the world for HIM.

My prayer for you is that you focus on what was done for you by Jesus and what has made you into more than what you can do and you will become out of it. You will find yourself at the place of serving lovingly !!