Being the youngest at home, I have enjoyed the love and all the pamper since my childhood days. Simply a greater phase for any youngest in the home!
I remember that was my gala time: Love from each and every person and also the sort of good at academics definitely got me a wow badge (as per me) from every second person! On top of everything, n elder sister at home made sure my every request is granted and my every
academic conquest is been celebrated!
Like any younger sister, even my dream was to see my beautiful sister getting married and to simply enjoy the company of my Jiju (brother in law). Simply unaware of the fact, my biggest support would be gone! And I would definitely need to manage things alone!
In the first phase of trying to manage without my sister, I could really see that self-realization is pretty sure to hit my misconceptions about self. It definitely got me trapped into a state of reality check, only to find myself pretty pitiful!
I am so grateful to J(That’s what I call Jesus) that he started showing me, my achievements are not mine and the kind of labelled life I wanted to live or was living will no longer support me and surely one-day things need to fall off! Unaware of the facts and things, I could relate myself being a girl, wanting to make peace with every shift and change. Or a girl wanting to run away from every single change!
I still remember, I took the things on my shoulder and started wanting to do the thing in the right manner trying to earn the badge of “Right Girl”. Something I was not created to be, something that none of us is created to be.
The vicious circle of feeling unworthy, unloved and a shattered person was never-ending, until one day I could relate with this one verse from Psalms 138:8
“Lord, you do everything for me.
Lord, your love continues forever.
You made us. Do not leave us.”
Clearly stating that I am His creation and He loves me the way I am. Also for He made me, He knows what He will be getting when He chose me. Do not misunderstand me as I truly believe the work that we go through is very necessary. As Master polishes us but the work is His and Solely His, as mentioned in Romans 1:6, “God began doing good work in you. And he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again. I am sure of that.” But going through this work without believing, Lord loves us very much will get us no where. He wants to help us go through all to be the Best Version of ourselves. But things done without acknowledging His love for us will leave us very pain-filled, irritated and burdened.
Though I cannot say, I am so done and through with the process but I am sure that It is His work and I simply want to let him do the work: something that I still struggle with! But I want and really want to be patient with Him and with myself too. Wouldn’t you want so?
I believe these experiences of min are not only mine but many of the silent readers as well. I definitely wanted to give it words as many would be encouraged that they are not alone. Because in tough times, it is very good to know that somebody is walking or have walked this
path and have struggled and felt screwed about self as much as you do right now (or may be WE) but the good news is: He has it all figured and you (or may be WE) are not a surprise to Him!
He loves you the way you are and Every Moment Is A New Chance to try and start learning once again if we keep following His lead and simply don’t quit.