Well, yes I am a Pastor's wife. I was married to a passionate pastor who loves his people and has a great desire to see a transformation in their lives.
I would seek GOD and fail, rather than serve HIM all my life and live under an illusion that my service is what keeps HIS heart open for me and bless me.
Even after being born again I continued to wonder - what is righteousness and sin? Was I always supposed to do everything right and perfectly because I am under HIS radar? I knew HE loved me but did HIS pleasure in me fluctuate according to my performance?